Midlife. No Crisis.

mid·life
midˈlīf
noun
Our 24 year old is happily married to the girl of his dreams. They have our first grand kitty named Meredith (after Meredith Grey) and grand pup, an Australian Shepherd named Ellie. Hey, they can be my grands if I want them to be.

Our 20 year old just recently ‘left the nest’. He didn’t stay in town either. He moved an hour and a half away from us. He’s most like me….a little spur of the moment on making decisions. Which is fine with me, since I know he got it honestly. He’s happy. So, we’re happy. He has a job and he’s learning the ropes of adulthood on his own. That’s a little scary for this -not quite helicopter but still nervously aware- mom.

Our youngest turned 17 this week. He’s our third boy and was a miracle baby. I had terrible health issues when I was pregnant with him and had surgeries galore. Yes. He’s our miracle. Although, to me all children are miracles and gifts from God. So yes. This week was a double ‘yikes’ with this boy. He turned 17 and started his senior year in high school all in the same week.

Now that the boys are their own people, Mr. Filipino and I are sort of finding our own way.

When you hear the word “midlife,” the word “crisis” usually comes after it. That’s just not a word that I can say describes us at the moment. “Midlife crisis” is most often thought of as –the man running off with his younger, prettier, firmer girlfriend in his new corvette. Or the woman getting her facelift, tummy tuck, or boob job. Possibly running away with her much older, or younger, ‘sugar daddy.’

So……

….when does midlife start? And when does it end? How are we suppose to experience midlife withOUT a crisis, since that’s when the kids are leaving and starting their own families and lives, leaving us to…..ourselves. Alone. with. each. other?! With no extra laundry to do or specific kid friendly dinners to cook or messy rooms to help clean. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

What does one do in midlife? –Obviously, we realize we’ve crested our over the hill spot and are heading back down.– We will live in an empty nest, for one. Our home has always been the place where family gathered. Where friends of our children gathered. I’ve been a stay at home mom for 24 years and we’ve always had one person or another (or ten) here. Now, not so much.

As we enter this midlife empty nesting phase, I think just finding ourselves again as human beings, a man and a woman, is what we’re suppose to be doing. Don’t you think? Is that right?

We’ve reached an age where most of us aren’t having children anymore. This is suppose to be the best times of our lives.

We’ve bought our home and raised our kids.

That thought is kinda profound.

Now we settle into the life of marriage, good friends…spend time appreciating the meaningful relationships in life. No longer are we needing to “fit in” or “be accepted.” It’s time to feel confident in the life choices we’ve made already and the ones we will make in the future. As grown, middle-aged adults.

And while Mr. Filipino has another 10 years in his career (at least) and I still have my part time work, we can now both explore our interests a little more. He loves to build and I might get back into my painting. Who knows?

Just knowing that we’ve done what God had for us to do for the first 25 years of our marriage, I’m grateful. We’ve succeeded in so many ways. For the first time, nobody else is at the center of our lives. No bottles or diapers, no baseball or soccer, no driving lessons, no late night chats about girls….

Well, for now.

 

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About Tracie Mallari

Tracie is the editor of The Planner’s Plate. She’s worked in the hospitality industry since she was 15, eventually focusing on hotel and restaurant management and later planning and coordinating for caterers and other private employers. She has owned her own event company and loves the organization and detail it takes to plan an event. She lives in Tennessee with her husband of 25 years, Ben, and they have three boys and a daughter (in law).

1 Comment

  1. Angel
    August 10, 2017 / 12:44 pm

    OMG this was such a good post!